Letter from an Irishman

'We, in Ireland, can't figure out why people are even bothering to hold an election in the United States this year.

On one side, you have a pants-wearing woman lawyer, married to a lawyer who can't keep his pants on, who just lost a long and heated primary they still haven't paid for, against a lawyer who states he is "black" when it is documented he is only 12% "black", who goes to the wrong church, who has stated that he wants his countrymen to learn to speak Spanish rather than English, who refuses to put his hand over his heart and say the pledge of allegiance or wear the flag of the country he wants to run, who can't remember if there are 50 or 57 states in his own country, who is married to yet another lawyer who doesn't even like the country her husband wants to run.

Now... On the other side, you have a nice old war hero whose name starts with the appropriate 'Mc' terminology married to a good-looking younger woman who owns a beer distributorship.

Where's the contest? What in the Lord's name are ye lads thinking over there in the colonies?